The Greeks call it Eros, from whence we derive the word ‘erotic.’ This is the passionate, physical, sensual, consensual, hot between the sheets kind of lovin’ adults engage in with each other. Whether sensual and slow, hard and fast, down and dirty, spank it… say my name eros, we all want some version of it. This is that physical, romantic union we all read about, see in films, fantasize about and hopefully experience in our lives. There’s nothing so sweet as finding a lover with whom you are compatible, not just physically but mentally and spiritually. A lover with whom you feel safe and together create a space where you both (or more) feel free to safely “sex it up”!!! I’ve found the art of love and lovemaking to be an ever evolving erotically sacred exercise, which, believe it or not, really does get better with age and experience. There is a reason the French idiom for the word orgasm is “le petit mort”, for indeed it is “the little death.” I firmly believe it is the closest we get to glimpsing the face of God while still in the body. I’m no prude, nor am I a Dr. Ruth, but I’ve learned a few things along the way about healthy consensual eros and had a whole lotta fun taking notes.
On occasion some of that fun has been had on Valentine’s Day but, alternately, I have spent many- and I mean many- a Valentine’s Day by myself sans lover and been just fine. I am a sensualist by nature, which means I consciously indulge my sensual self. I intuitively luxuriate in my woman-ness just because I like her. I like being in this woman body; the softness of it, the moistness of it, the dark mystery of it. I like the soft curves and gentle lines, the warmth and strength of it. We are made to bear and bear down. We are long distance runners. I just love being a woman. And so, I indulge it.
I seek out ways to please my woman spirit. I wear colors and textures that feel good. I surround myself with things I like to touch and that touch me. I burn good candles and plant scented flowers outside my bedroom windows. I buy flowers every week and cook good food for myself, my family and my friends. I like perfumes for different moods and lotions that linger. I luxuriate in my woman-ness.
Having said that, I have also gone very long spells, years sometimes, without a lover and always by choice. But hear me, those were not “dry spells” by any means. To the contrary. Those periods of conscious abstinence, have been times of enormous growth and healing, and in the midst, I was always loving on myself. As I’ve said, I’ve spent many a Valentine’s Day alone, while utterly indulging myself in ways that thrilled and titillated and pleasured me. Whether taking myself to tea, or sitting in a cafe people watching, or roaming antique shops or cozied up with a glass of wine and a sexy novel, I have never waited for someone else to love on me. I figured out a long time ago that, first and foremost, that was my job. So ladies, this Valentine’s Day, if you don’t already know, I invite you to discover your blood’s siren song and allow it to fill the air. We can’t teach what we don’t know and we can’t give what we don’t have.
So, if you’re going solo this weekend, here’s my advice. Treat yourself….. to yourself. Without being cliche, we really are worth it. Enjoy…and let me know how it goes!