OXYTOCYSIN OR OXYCOTIN
I was sitting in my therapist’s office yesterday trying to list the reasons I have been feeling so overwhelmed when out of my mouth flew, “I miss my girlfriends!!!.”
I could see the look of surprise on her face as I continued.
“I miss talking! I mean really talking! I am a woman that needs to talk!!!!”
“Where are they?” she inquired.
“Well… one has just sold her house today and has moved to New Orleans, one is in Trinidad, and a third now lives in Hawaii.”
Writing this I also now realize that another good friend is in NYC and one of my best girl friends ,though still in LA, is no longer a best friend or quite possibly a friend at all. I am still grieving over that loss. So bottom line…..I am without the counsel of my Sisters!!!!!!!!
Harvard University did a study years ago that focused on women’s NEED to talk. We need to talk like we need food and air and ,more specifically, we need to talk to EACH OTHER. It seems our brains are wired differently than men’s (duh!!!!!) and whereas a man’s first instinct when he is stressed is to hit something, thus releasing excessive testosterone into his system which takes ten years off his life, our instinct drives us to talk. You see when we talk and talk and talk,and talk to each other there is a magic hormone that gets released in our brain called Oxytocin. Turns out Oxytocin is the natural stress-buster hormone our Lovely brains release to counter stress in our bodies. Ok, we are not just lovely, we are smart!! Thank you Goddess! Turns out when we are stressed there are three easy ways we download this natural “feel-good” juice into our bloodstream. One… we clean our houses, two…we nurture our children, and three….we have a heart to heart talk with another woman. But here’s the kicker! When two women talk whether in person, or simply over the phone, that feminine intimacy causes BOTH our systems to be flooded with the “happy hormone”, so we both walk away feeling soooooo much better.
Kay is right. I am really straight. I don’t drink, and I don’t smoke….like anything! No judgement, I just don’t. So my drug of choice has to be Talk.
Being without my close girls is hard. So hard.
Last night Mr. T made a gallant offer to stand in for one of my girls when I told him I really miss just talking shit out! I said “Nuh dude it’s not the same!! You just listen enough to offer up solutions to fix the offending situation so that we can move the cuss on!!! That’s not what I’m talking about. But thank you”. To his credit and obvious discomfort he said “Try me”. And so I did. I paced and talked and talked and paced. I circled the kitchen island like the Twilight Zone plane in the storm searching for that darn runway. And what do you know? He actually listened. He tried really hard not to” fix me”, or tell me my concerns were unfounded, or dismiss me with “Babe you’ll figure it out!” I talked and he listened. Then he talked and I listened. We did this for almost two hours, which felt really really good. I think even Mr. T felt lighter when we finally went to bed.
But I gotta say it again……I miss my girls. I really do.