Oxytocysin or Oxycontin


I was sitting in my therapist’s office yesterday trying to list the reasons I have been feeling so overwhelmed when out of my mouth flew, “I miss my girlfriends!!!.”

I could see the look of surprise on her face as I continued.
“I miss talking! I mean really talking! I am a woman that needs to talk!!!!”
“Where are they?” she inquired.
“Well… one has just sold her house today and has moved to New Orleans, one is in Trinidad, and a third now lives in Hawaii.”
Writing this I also now realize that another good friend is in NYC and one of my best girl friends ,though still in LA, is no longer a best friend or quite possibly a friend at all. I am still grieving over that loss. So bottom line…..I am without the counsel of my Sisters!!!!!!!!

Harvard University did a study years ago that focused on women’s NEED to talk. We need to talk like we need food and air and ,more specifically, we need to talk to EACH OTHER.  It seems our brains are wired differently than men’s (duh!!!!!) and whereas a man’s first instinct when he is stressed is to hit something, thus releasing excessive testosterone into his system which takes ten years off his life, our instinct drives us to talk. You see when we talk and talk and talk,and talk to each other there is a magic hormone that gets released in our brain called Oxytocin. Turns out Oxytocin is the  natural stress-buster hormone our Lovely brains release to counter stress in our bodies. Ok, we are not just lovely, we are smart!! Thank you Goddess!  Turns out  when we are stressed there are three easy ways we download this natural “feel-good” juice into our bloodstream. One… we clean our houses, two…we nurture our children, and  three….we have a heart to heart talk with another woman.  But here’s the kicker! When two women talk whether in person, or simply over the phone, that feminine intimacy causes BOTH our systems to be flooded with the “happy hormone”, so we both walk away feeling soooooo much better.

My bff Kay in Trinidad says “Yuh gotta do some kinda ting as a parent! Yuh have tuh drink! Or smoke dope! Or something!!!!!!! Your problem is….. you too blasted straight!!!!!”

Kay is right. I am really straight. I don’t drink, and I don’t smoke….like anything! No judgement, I just don’t. So my drug of choice has to be  Talk.

Being without my close girls is hard. So hard.

Last night Mr. T made a gallant offer to stand in for one of my girls when I told him I really miss just talking shit out! I said “Nuh dude it’s not the same!! You just listen enough to offer up solutions to fix the offending situation so that we can move the cuss on!!!  That’s not what I’m talking about. But thank you”.  To his credit and obvious discomfort he said “Try me”. And so I did.  I paced and talked and talked and paced. I circled the kitchen island like the Twilight Zone plane in the storm searching for that darn runway. And what do you know?  He actually listened. He tried really hard not to” fix me”, or tell me my concerns were unfounded, or dismiss me with “Babe you’ll figure it out!” I talked and he listened. Then he talked and I listened. We did this for almost two hours, which felt really really good. I think even Mr. T felt lighter when we finally went to bed.

Today I feel calmer, less overwhelmed. I have also been listening to Eckhart Tolle all day in my car which is always a blessed reminder to stay in the Now.  All in all… I feel better.

But I gotta say it again……I miss my girls. I really do.

  1. I can definitely relate to this posting. Your blogs have helped in that department. Sometimes I’m sitting reading, sipping my coffee or wine. I swear you’re so descriptive it’s like you’re sitting right next to me. 💐 *PS You’re more than welcome to call me! ☺️

  2. I love this so much! I wrote a piece called “I Feel Something”, that talks about the awesomeness that is sisterhood (it’s on my blog). There is something about sitting with our girlfriends that is magical.

  3. You know I look at this in a different way. This is more about temporary loss. I dont think Annie moving to New Orleans is a loss. That friendship was forged years ago. You may not be able to go to lunch when you want to but you can call each other and talk. She still loves you and moving wont change that. IF C.C.H. Pounder was the one that moved to Hawaii its the same thing. You have been friends for years and you can talk to her too and the same with your friend from Trinidad. SKYPE And the one that is no longer your friend is no big loss.Real friends dont dump friends. New people will come into your life and you will still have the old ones. How blessed to have that kind of man in your life that loves you so much that he is willing to step out of his comfort zone as a man and really try to hear you. Micah is something special. Im not trying to dismiss your feelings and I get that your overwhelmed and lord knows your not alone. Ask anyone of us about the crap we all have too. Put your lovely into action. You are too blessed to be stressed. JUST SAYING!!!

  4. I agree with you whole heartedly on this!! I get this feeling very often and sometimes even buy airplane ticket to Vegas to visit my aunt (whom I love to talk too). She and I love to have girl talk. Or even calling up my friends and meeting them for dinner helps me. We as women just have to vent!!! Our schedules be so cussing full till we forget we are human and not robots. LOL….but it is a good thing that Mr. T listened!!! Love ya! Keep blogging!!!

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